THERAPY FOR CHRONIC PEOPLE PLEASING IN COLORADO
Staying with yourself.
Chronic people-pleasing isn't a personality flaw; it’s a survival strategy. For the sensitive, the neurospicy, and those walking between cultures, "fawning" is often the brilliance that kept you safe in a world not built for you.
But that deep ache you feel? It’s a torch held by your true self, lighting the way toward an aligned, sovereign life. You aren't broken; you are resilient. Let’s learn to listen to what your resilience is trying to tell you.
It’s a safety switch not a personality trait.
The truth behind chronic people-pleasing is a nervous system safety switch that’s always on. It’s called the fawn response. It is a trade: we offer up self-abandonment in exchange for safety in our relationships, workplaces, and cultures.
For many of us, fawning goes by other names:
Masking to fit into neurotypical spaces.
Threat-based code-switching to navigate dominant cultures.
The "good kid" or the friend who always shows up.
Compulsive caretaking, codependency, and "un-learning" our own needs to stay small and safe.
Are you stuck in chronic people pleasing?
When our safety depends on others, we often convince ourselves we are “broken,” "wrong," or "too much." Here is how that survival response shows up:
Hyper-responsibility.
You are quick to meet another person’s needs without considering your capacity or values. You can take blame and be accountable for other people or environments like nobody’s business. Perfectionism, compulsive caretaking, workaholism, and chronic self-sacrifice are a result.
Safety via invisibility.
Boundaries and saying no are a challenge. Conversely, difficulty expressing wholehearted yeses in the face of an environment or people saying no. Authenticity feels dangerous and like a total hassle. It can look like being adaptable, easy going, and “good.” But actually, little is even known to you about being your own person.
Relational hypervigiliance.
You know another person’s desires and feelings, and work to mold yourself into what they need from you. It’s an automatic, quick self-abandonment. In return, you are uncertain if the other person knows you and your struggles and difficulty asking for support.
Profound burnout.
The burnout is real. The stress that builds from living in relational hypervigilance, over-performing in relationships/work, and living a life that’s for someone else eventually wears on the body, mind, and soul. People often describe feeling alienated, disassociated, and disconnected from themselves.
The burden of false control.
Fawners take on so much from their environment and convince themselves (or be convinced of) their control of it. It can translate into strong self-hatred and negative self-talk. This can substantiate and lead to continual self-neglect.
Resisting care.
Whether it’s from others or yourself, you can’t wait to pop out of feeling nourished. It feels wrong and maybe even dangerous to feel fulfilled and nourished.
Rewiring for sovereignty: What is fawning?
Fawning is an immediate, whole-bodied response to toxic relationships and cultures.
After flight, freeze, and fight, Pete Walker, MA, MFT conceptualized the fawn response. The fawn response uses the social engagement system to maneuver unsafe relationships. It means being an expert in another person’s psychology and adapting yourself to that person’s needs and desires in order to minimize harm and find safety.
This response is often forged in the fires ongoing interpersonal maltreatment such as of childhood neglect, narcissistic abuse, emotional and psychological abuse, sexual abuse, toxic friendships, coercive control, parentification, or toxic work environments. For many, it is also a byproduct of immigration, discrimination, and the oppression of marginalized identities. The goal isn't to "fix" you—it’s to help you reclaim your choice. I can choose to fawn when I am unsafe, but I can also choose to come back home to myself when the storm passes.
The path home: body, mind, and community
Feel the nourishment of a life embodied.
Somatic and EMDR therapies:
We let your body and your gut-brain tell the true story of who you are, moving past the "broken" narrative into lived strength.
Stay with yourself.
Gestalt and Mindfulness therapies:
We practice the "mindful pause"—creating a gap between the automatic impulse to please and the conscious choice to be yourself.
Invest in safe, loving connections.
Attachment, IFS, and Social Justice therapies:
We build a compassionate, neuro and cultural-affirming connection to your authenticity and learn how to maintain it within your community.
From self-abandonment to self-sovereignty.
You no longer have to trade your truth for your safety. For a long time, you may have felt like you were treading water—exhausting yourself to maintain a surface-level peace for everyone else. Together, we work so you can finally stay with yourself, inhabit the strength of your own body, and trust your inherent buoyancy.
The goal isn't to lose your survival skills; it's to gain your choice. In moments of true danger, you can still choose to fawn. But now, you have a path to come back home to yourself afterward.